Brazil Report – Sex That Lasts 70 Hours



Wayne Rooney may be ugly but the good news is that his hair transplant has been a success and he will not be wearing a headband.

Now for the bad news.

Fuss has been made about a video that appeared on Facebook. During a football match in Vila Alianca in Rio de Janeiro the fans fired AK 47s. One of the teams wore the yellow shirts of Brazil. Indignation has followed. The club that wore the yellow shirts is backed by Rafael Alves. Rafael is wanted by the police and is a leader of the local drug gang. Rafael contributes to his community. His football team is very successful.

Police assure FIFA that World Cup celebrations will be the normal celebratory fireworks. That the police will wear Robo Cop uniforms is mere coincidence. The uniforms provide protection from missiles, and, presumably, bullets from AK 47s. The police have also received martial arts training. They are concerned about the athleticism of the English football fan.

Down the road in Sáo Paulo the city has endured the worst drought on record.

Resident, Marianna Lanna PInheiro, said, ‘I go the whole dawn without water.’

The poetry is irresistible but how long does a dawn last in Sáo Paulo? Late risers are clearly missing something.

More level headed is Paulo Costa. He works for H2C, a company that gives advice on water use. No prizes for poetry there.

‘If it continues like this, it will be a big joke,’ said the anti-poetic Paulo.

Ms Pinheiro, who is about to give birth, told reporters that her taps go dry every night at 10 pm. This is confusing.

Statistics indicate that Marianna is less loopy than she appears. 8.45 million people in Sáo Paulo take water from the Cantareira system of rivers and dams. The water in the system measured 247 metres during the drought. Previously it measured 347 metres. Discounts are given to those who reduce water consumption. The expensive hotels have reserves of water ready for the World Cup, which is perhaps why Marianna goes the whole dawn without water.

In the North the concern is not waterless dawns but dengue fever, which is spread by the female mosquito. And, while it normally disappears by June, the heatwave that has produced the drought has persuaded the mosquito to stay a little longer, either that or the arrival of Wayne Rooney. World Cup fans should take precautions. Forget the morning tablet, and the hangover will last longer than expected. The authorities have been dousing risk spots with insecticides.

They have also looked at imaginative solutions including genetically modified mosquitoes that carry less harmful diseases and are not antibiotic resistant. If you can’t beat them join them kind of thing.

Talking of insects, Brazilian scientists have discovered an insect where gender reversal exists. The male has a vagina, and the female a penis.   These insects can have sex that lasts for up to 70 hours or 3 dawns without water. Roy Hodgson was not available for comment.


If you want to read more about Brazil click here.

Howard Jackson has written about Brazil in his book, Innocent Mosquitoes.